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Table of Contents
Introduction: How to Get Your Food Spit In
Our server is AWFUL!
Waiting Tables is a LOT like being a hooker.
How I got sucked in, part 1
How I got sucked in, part 2
Training your soul away.
NEVER close the doors.
Don't let your children pee on the floor.
Five Ways to Avoid a Wait.
The Top Ten Ways to Avoid Getting Your Food Spit In
Top Ten Complaints Heard in Restaurants and the Reason They Aren't as Bad as You Think
Five reasons secret shoppers are evil.
Villa Maria Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand
Server Not Servant
Service Industries: “No Escape from Reality” + Entitled Customers
Yes, this is the “real life,” and it’s not “just fantasy.” A lot of humans just plain suck. It’s no fun being the Fun Police. I’ve been a member of the bri...
The Slightly Cranky (Former) Waitress
I love making people feel like assholes.
That fact might make me, myself, an asshole. I'm okay with that. Like most restaurants, we have a problem with self-seaters. A surprising number of people ...
A Man’s Got to Know His Limitations
I’m at the Laundromat with my daughter washing her clothes. As Natalie sits in her car seat playing with her doll, I think for the hundredth time how I hav...
Bond with your chef. Learn the menu. Understand the clientelle. Know how to use the equipment. Taste. Be polite to the wait staff. Treat your kitchen s...
Fuck My Table
The Oatmeal Is Fucking Awesome
I have read The Oatmeal for quite a while now. Well over a year, maybe two. I have always enjoyed Inman’s crazy style and humor, but now… But now he has ju...